One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
