I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
