i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
