A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
