There is no way he is gay with that hair.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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