I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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