I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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