I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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