Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
