I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
