If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
