She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
