thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
