Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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