she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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