my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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