Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
