mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
