I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
