i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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