i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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