we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
