random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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