there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
