just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
