After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
