I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
