I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
