True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
