You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize