I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You made out with two different species that night
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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