So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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