you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
