Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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