You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
