i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
