They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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