"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
