friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my poor anus
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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