dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
