the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
