oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
