he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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