I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
