It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
