don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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