Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
