A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
