i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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