I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Everything about him screamed your future.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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