Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
