Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
