the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
