he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
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i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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