WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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