I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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