You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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