Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
