I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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