Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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