fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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