I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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