first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
