i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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