its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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