OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
