She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
