My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
