I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
